When you raise a concern at work, you may encounter defensiveness instead of a productive conversation. Colleagues might shift the focus from the issue at hand to you—specifically, your attitude, role, or personality. This can feel frustrating and disheartening, but understanding these dynamics will help you handle them more effectively. Here’s how to approach these situations.
Depersonalise the reaction. When people feel implicated or criticised, they often become defensive. Recognise that their reaction is about self-preservation and isn’t necessarily a reflection of your message. Don’t take their response personally.
Refocus on the issue. When the conversation shifts toward you, calmly guide it back to the problem you’re trying to address. Keep the focus on solutions, rather than defending yourself.
Be aware of expectations. Understand that both your formal and informal roles influence how your colleagues perceive you. If you step outside these roles, some may react negatively. Anticipate this, but don’t let it stop you from raising important concerns.
Draw strength from other roles. Remember, your work identity is just one part of who you are. Draw confidence from your other roles and experiences to stay grounded and focused on what truly matters.
Adapted from “When Your Actions Surprise People—and Provoke Blowback,” by Timothy O’Brien.
HBR 7th October 2024